The Zealot, the Bitch and the Vagina: some Observations on Airport
Security
This year we went to london to be at the Twisted 10 year birtday party
(the second one :). Below is a report on the things we learned about
airplane travel.
Zealot:
'Sir, for your information you are
not allowed to carry liquid in the airplane'
Me: 'Certainly not sir, I understand,
but I have some liquid in my brain'
Zealot, not knowing how to react: 'Haha,
I think everybody has liquid in their brains !'
At this moment I was about to react: 'you certainly don't, I think its
desert-dry up there',
but reason took over and I kept quiet
Airports are completely out of
control. Authorities seem so ridicoulously scared of 'bombs' and 'terrorists', that as a
result their measures no longer stand in relation to the thread. Just think about it: how many
people are in an airplane -and- how many people are queued in front of the security checkpoint ?
If I were a terrorist I would probably blow up the queues instead of the planes.
Airport security also lacks creativity. Most of
the ideas come from those darn terrorists: first there is the thread of weapons on
airplanes, so let's scan people with metal detectors. Then there is a thread of
weapons in shoes, so they started scanning shoes. Then there is the thread of
liquid bombs, so they prohibit liquid on board. 'Excuse
me sir, do I detect some water there ? You must certainly be a terrorist !', 'No Sir, I'm not
this rha-dhi-khal the-rho-rhist, I think that must be that glowing
radioactive man over there'. Which in our case would have been
appropriate since at that time (end of october 2006) there was this
assasination of a former spy with radioactive material.
People in law 'enforcement' often seem to have only access to some lower mental capacities. Just
for the sheer irony they must have forgotten to list 'bombs' and 'weapons-of-mass-destruction' in the panel to the right :)
Bitch bitching: 'Can I open your bag sir ?''
Me thinking: No bitch, stay out of it.
Me saying: 'Yes of course !'
This law-enforcement zealot
lacked all higher brain functions. She was looking for a reward from
the very people she was 'checking out' (invading privacy might be a better term).
It was almost like: 'please take of your pants sir, I really need to poke your
ass to verify that you did not store a secret nuclear sillo in there, it is due
to those darn terrorists of course ! They might blow up the plane you now ?
Who is she anyway to implicitely tell me that
_I_ am a terrorist. It is not me running around with weapons, nor am I
obliterating people with all kinds of fancy bombs and 'high-precission'
weapons. Neither am I the one taking amphetamines to bring peace to the
middle east, nor do I need XTC to be able to 'talk' about the crimes I
commited...
Me to bitch: 'this is rather
ridicoulous isn't it'.
on which she takes the phone and starts whining: 'do you remember Madrid'.
I was about to say: 'no, and why should I,
I am at an English airport'
but reason took over. It was however quite clear that she was completely
mentally drained.
Bitch: 'look these are used
as detonators, dhe_tho_nhe_thors. What if you are 9000 Ft in the air
and something happens ? Then what will you say ?
I was about to start a
philosophical discussion on the chance of actually being hit and the
reason why England is in this ridicoulous state of fear. Of course,
this would take us way too far and she was not really asking questions.
She was merely making sure that everybody who passed through the douna
was _really_ afraid because your neighboor could be a terrorist.
Probably one of them was indeed an American or Englishman.
However, since I did not give the
bitch the reward she was looking for, she must have figured that she
could get some mental support from the already purple looking man
behind me. He was furious about the situation. So, for some
reason, she turned to him and said
'do you see sir, this is what I have to put up with every day !'.
(I didn't say that much !).
As expected, she didn't get much
reward there either. How far have we come: law enforcement
personel looking for candy from the very people they subjugate. Fuck
them. She is a bitch and if the bitch does not behave properly then she
does not get a reward. If bitch wants happy life then she should resign
job. And so should everybody involved in this chirade of
law-enforcement. In the future those people will probably say
'we didn't know'. Well: how could you if you never listen ?
Then arriving in Oslo we got a
warning that from 6 november on,
people would not be allowed to carry liquids on the airplane ! My goodness,
is europe becoming equally stupid ??? These days travel is a far cry
from 'open boundaries' in Europe. Next thing they do
is to reinstate curfew, allow governments to check your bank-accounts,
install cameras at every corner of the street and make sure people spy
at each other for security reasons. After all, your neighboor might be
a terrorist: does he have regular sex with his wife ?
Before or after pledging leagance to the flag ?
At the douna check in Oslo, I looked at our new inspection agent, the
vagina. Holding the no-liquid poster in my hands, I said
Me: 'this is a joke right ?'
Vagina: 'No sir, regulations !'.
As if 'regulations' is the answer. I could already guess that these were regulations.
Me: 'C'mon this is a Joke, how paranoid can one become ?'
The vagina gave no answer and kept smiling, so I said:
'yeah keep on smiling'. At which point she didn't know how to react and
looked me furiously in the eyes clearly pondering what to do. Shall we
drag him to a 'full body inspection'. She didn't, but it was quite clear
that she felt really powerfull about it and that she would really enjoy
to of use her 'power'.
In the future, those people will all claim: 'We didn't know what
happend, we were misguided. We never wanted power over others'.
I'm probably too sensitive. *grmpf*
